This is an excerpt from my upcoming fiction, novel tentatively called
Serial Loser
It is almost impossible to find a parking in Dubai Marina. I was already late, by the time I entered the beautiful apartment on the 16th floor. It served as the office of the psychiatrist I have been seeing for a few months now. I was ushered into the inner room immediately, which had a marina face and a floor to ceiling glass window on one side.
After exchange of pleasantries…
“Let me see, ok here; how are we doing on Cynicism, Sarcasm and Arrogance. “
“Doc, much better, great deal of noticeable improvement”; then I added “ Will be completely cured when I win a Nobel prize”.
I will give anything to read the notepad where every so often the Doc wrote something. I started playing a guessing game in my head.
It might have read…Arrogant still, and a hint of delusional. No word on funny. The list seems to be growing.
My turn to ask — ’Why do I even visit you. I mean whoever visits a therapist for being overtly emotional?”
“Someone who hides in the bathroom and cries for an hour after reading Wall street Bets, subreddit forum on Gamestop or whatever.”
Hmmm….Nice, you got me. Everybody loves a good David vs Goliath story, every one cries on the little guys victory.
“Yeah but not bucket loads”
If we are talking uncontrolled emotions, do people also visit you if they laugh excessively. And what does your diary read — can’t control his positive emotions, laughs uncontrollably at the drop of a hat. Suffers from Mirth-mania.
Another note — thinks he is very funny. (Finally).
I started a fund for my house help with target 20x return in 10 years; and had an argument with my wife Anjum on that.
“What happened?”
She said Charity should be done quietly. Not on facebook and advertised shamelessly. To that I said who over made such a rule is a fool. They do it quietly so they donot have to be emotionally invested. They think it’s a moral tax and must be handled through a barge pole. All the big guys Azim Premji, Bill gates you name it; they all do it professionally and advertise with fanfare. Why? so that they can inspire more people.
“So, what happened next”
I don’t remember how but the argument ended up with she accusing me of being an irresponsible person and something to do with wet towels on the bed.
“Will you say sorry to her? “
Yes.
“Don’t you think 20x target is too much. You are setting up yourself for failure?”
How much do you think is possible?
“More like 5x or grow at the rate of S&P.”
I smiled. “Even so, how is that a failure?”
Note again. — Couldn’t guess this time with conviction. May be — Deep rooted sarcasm.
When will you finally go out for a Coffee with me?” I ventured.
“Not possible. Time’s up. See you next week.” She rose with a gorgeous smile. That smile, that beauty, that mind and compassion, which keeps me coming back here every week.
The view from her office balcony was even better, down with a kilometer or so of unobstructed view of Marina, with white Yachts parked and sailing as white paint patterns on a turquoise canvas. High rise jungle of glass buildings leaning from both banks.
This serene view, this calming companionship and the sense of clarity you sometimes achieve in a meditative state; they come at top dollar costs. My mind starts calculating the ROI; and I note down on the smart phone the following allocation-
Per session with Dr. Lily:
100 USD for her current companionship
50 USD for the view
100 USD for the hope of knowing her better, outside of the professional setting
50 USD for the hope of getting cured of my age old, deep rooted, emotional disorders
Every Dollar well spent!
Going down the fast speed elevator of Dr. Lily Singh’s office, my mind races to how this Coffee date proposal came about. But first this-
Her mother is a white Brit Pediatrician and Father, a retired Surgeon, a 1st generation migrant from India. They live in London. She was married for five years, then got separated. She moved to Dubai in 2015 after the divorce, and set up a successful practice here. She lives alone as a single in the popular district of Dubai Marina. Some days we spend 5–10 minutes after the session when she is, I believe, her true self. Unlike the cold measured psychotherapist who has a job to do and to get to somewhere with her client. We talk about Dubai share eating out tips, about our backgrounds, about our tastes, hobbies and such like. Never about the divorce. Does her profession allow for such conversations with clients, I wondered? Didn’t want to jinx, the best 5 minutes of the week, by asking her.
I could not probe further, it’s too soon, too invasive to ask what kind of man lets go of a woman like her. I mean, if I were in his shoes; I would have written a poem every day and kept it for her on the bed, along with a red lily. Day after day, all my life. (Rhetorically speaking only, though. I love my wife, the mother of my kids, the only one who complements and completes me like no one else, without whom I would be half the man.)
I tried to write a poem for my wife before our marriage, but she started laughing so hard; and even made fun of my vain romantic attempts amongst friends. I stopped writing for her. It is only my repressed desire to express through romantic poetry, which comes alive every now and then for fairer sex. Or, so I would like to think.
It was past noon as I emerged from the building. The markets in the US do not open for more than 5 hours. It was a sunny day with mild temperature. I decided to take a walk along the Marina.
Do thoughts of betrayal count as betrayal?
What kind of man let’s go of a woman like Lily. What possible reason could there be to fall out of love within much less than first 5 years of a marriage.
(It would be not until before Christmas holidays, so around 9 months from the current time in the story, that I will know the real reason for her divorce.
Little over two years into their marriage she started developing feelings for her colleague. The colleague was another psychiatrist in the same clinic where she worked. I don’t know how bisexuality works but apparently it was her girlfriend who helped her discover this within her, of which she was not aware. A tear dropped as she told me that she had loved both of them.
I could well understand her feeling by now.
After the divorce she left both of them, everything, her parents, her conservative Indian relatives, her friends to live in a fanciful expat infested strange land. I can only imagine what would have happened in the three years to the divorce settlement, day in and day out. Did not dare to ask. Three lives ruined, and no one really, truly to be faulted. And here I am writing poems blissfully unaware of what is going to unfold in future.)
In my Financial world there are strict codes of Risk Management and accountability for losses beyond the guideline risk tolerance levels. Even then such accidents happen, such unforeseen tragedy and losses are common place. Books are written about Rogue traders, market crashes, divorces, suicides, firms ruined and jobs lost.
I teach the new recruits the first lesson of investing — Never Invest in a stock, if you have not done your own due diligence of the company.
Anyway, I am getting too ahead in the story. Back to the coffee date episode.
We had just finished our fifth session.
“You never told me, what are your hobbies” She asked.
“A few, let me tell you the most interesting one. I write live poetry on demand for a fees only for female clients. Meaning, any woman can give me a topic of her choice, within or under 5 minutes I will give her a poem. And I charge her a fee. Usually women ask me to do this as a personalized gift for their someone special, or special occasions or just for fun.”
She was hysterical with laughter. “You are kidding me, is such a thing even real… and Why not for men”
“Yeah people make a full time living as surrogate poets or letter writers. Seriously, check it out” To see her laugh like this with such abandon was remuneration enough for a lifetime of poetry. “Men are boring, women are special, God’s gift to humankind”
“Ok. Write for me a few lines on the marina, the view from my balcony. Sorry, what’s your fees?” Still laughing.
I cannot tell you my fees. It would be extremely inappropriate in such a setting. But for you, I will settle for a coffee outside.
She stopped laughing, though she was smiling still. We both knew what was unsaid. A single attractive lady in Dubai very well knows when the man is flirting. The question was will she take the bait.
Few seconds passed, I waited then a few more, while she was considering; weighing the outcomes.
She finally said. “OK Coffee, just once”
I stopped myself from jumping with joy.
I went to the printer, took out a paper, tore into two halves. Opened the Balcony door, sat on the garden sofa. Scribbled somethings on one paper, scratched them, scribbled again, corrected a few times, then made a final copy on the second half of the paper. 4mins, 34 seconds. Came in gave it to her and stood there in front of her.
She read it. Her smile vanished. She must be rereading.
I knew what was to be done, I turned towards the exit and left. She did not say a word.
Into the elevator, as the floor passed,
Ting ting ting….
I will win her over, that’s what I do — I WIN, I am the Wolf of Dubai!
Ting, ting ting….
While she read and re read, those words and sentences at first from the top then taking the last sentence as first and going from last to first in that order…
Algebra of Nature
To solve for Love, loss and hopefulness of the light
I lie in oneness with the yacht and the evening sky
That which floats in the periphery of my sight
These marina buildings, to the Left and to the Right
Buildings clusters of different colors, size and stature,
Wind against my head the water against the bow,
Protesting, pushing back our progress ever so slow
Will Doc and I, be able to regress my age-young nature?